At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
