Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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