Will you blow on my dice?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
