just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize