What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
