im holly from the hills drunk
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
