we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
