he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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