You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
