And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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