Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
