Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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