Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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