the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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