my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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