there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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