3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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