the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
