How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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