Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize