you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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