god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
