How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
