I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
