What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
