It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
