I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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