im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
