And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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