I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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