somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
