The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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