im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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