Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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