we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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