Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
