Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
