super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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