hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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