This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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