Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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