Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
