You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize