i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
