Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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