genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
