This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
