How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
