Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize