Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
