My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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