two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
