the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
even my farts smell like vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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