all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
