my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mom said you looked used
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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