I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
