Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
