So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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