i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
