Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
