His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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