yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
