dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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