Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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