I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
