Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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