I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
