He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
