Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
