We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
