8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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