I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
