420 ftw
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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