Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
