Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
