Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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