Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
