college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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