I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
