What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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