I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
