I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
