This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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