i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize