i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
